TED英语演讲:真正的强大

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有几个可以认清自己的弱点,接纳它,而且相信即便这样的自己有缺憾,却也值得被爱?相比如果把自身掩藏、死撑得极致下去,接受自己的有缺憾,并认可那才算是一切想像力、胆量和改革创新的起源地,才算是快乐的非常简单方法。接下来是我们为大家搜集有关TED英语演讲:真正的强大,欢迎大家参考参照。

TED演讲:真正的强大,是敢于面对那个脆弱而不完美的自己

演讲稿

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."

And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not 'magic pixie'?"

I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Ha ha. There's no such thing."

So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.

And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box."

And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the headand move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things that I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.

So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is --neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here.

So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome, and one "opportunity for growth?"

And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.

So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?

The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," --which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited. As you know, it's not going to turn out well.

You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.

My one year turned into six years: Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging -- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.

There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belongingand the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way,and just looked at those.

What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted." These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents. What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kidsbecause I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.

And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others,because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity,they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable,nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.

I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown --

And it did.

I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.

A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you, it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody. Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist."

I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick."

I was like, "Okay." So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.

And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.

"I just need some strategies."

Thank you. So she goes like this.

And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."

"It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."

And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.

For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.

And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability.Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.

So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- We are the most in-debt ... obese ... addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.

I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God.

You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. "I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up." That's it. Just certain.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.

Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand,our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh." That's not our job. Our job is to look and say,"You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems, I think, that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill ... a recall. We pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say ... "We're sorry. We'll fix it."

But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.

That's all I have. Thank you.

那我就那么现在开始:几年前,一个主题活动策划者打我的电话,由于我那时候要做一个演说。她在电话里说: “我真是很苦恼该怎样在宣传页上介绍你。” 我想着,为什么会烦恼呢? 她再次道:“你看看,我听过你演说,我觉得我能够称你为学者, 可我担忧是指,假如那么称呼你,没有人会来听,是因为大伙儿普遍认为研究者很乏味并且逃避现实。” 好。随后她讲:“可是我喜欢你的演说,就跟说故事一样很吸引人。

我思来想去,还是觉得称你为讲故事的人较为稳妥。” 而那一个做科研的,感到不安的我随口说出道:“你需要叫我什么?” 她讲:“我要称你为讲故事的人。" 我想着:”为什么不索性叫法术精灵?“ 我讲:”要我考虑一下。“ 我试着鼓足勇气。我对自己说,我是一个讲故事的人。

我是一个从业定量研究的科技人员。我搜集小故事;这就是我的工作中。 也许小故事便是有灵魂的数据信息。或许我就是一个讲故事的人。于是我说:“听着, 要不你就称我来为做科学研究兼讲故事的人。”她讲:“嘿嘿,没这么个观点呀。”所以我是个做科学研究兼讲故事的人, 我今日想跟大伙儿讨论的-- 我们要讨论的话题讨论是关于扩展认知能力-- 我想给你们讲好多个故事是关于我的一份科学研究的, 这一份科学研究从本质上扩宽了我个人的认知, 也的的确确改变了我日常生活、爱、工作中也有教育孩子的方法。

我的经历从心出发。在我还是个年青的博士生的情况下, 第一年,有一位科学研究专家教授对我们说: ”客观事实是这样的, 假如有一个东西你不能精确测量,那样它就不会有。“ 我想着他只不过是在呜呜大家这种小朋友吧。 我讲:“真的么?” 他说道:“自然。” 你得了解我有一个社工的硕士学历,一个社工的硕士文凭, 我在校是指一个社工的博士文凭,所以我全部学术研究之路都被人所包围着, 她们大多坚信生活是一团乱麻,接纳它。

而我的观点则侧重于,生活是一团乱麻,解除它,把它整理好,再分类放进饭盒里。 (欢笑声) 我觉得我领悟到了重要,有实力去创一番事业,让自身-- 确实,社工的一个关键核心理念是置身工作中的不适中。 我就是要把这不适感翻个仰面朝天每门都取得A。这便是我那时候的使命。我当初真的是摩拳擦掌。 我觉得这便是我要的职业发展,由于我对乱成一团,无法解决的问题有兴趣。我要把他们搞清楚。我要了解他们。我觉得入侵这些我知道是重要的东西把他们摸清,然后用通俗易懂的形式呈献给每一个人。

所以我的起点是“关联”。由于如果你担任了20xx年的社工,你必定会看到关联是我们活着的缘故。 它赋予了大家人生的意义。就是这么简单。 无论你跟谁沟通交流工作中在社会发展稽查行业的也罢,承担身心健康、凌虐和疏忽照看行业的也罢大家所知道的是,关联 是种磁感应的工作能力-- 微生物神经系统上,我们都是那么被设置的-- 这就是为什么大家在这儿。所以我就从关联逐渐。

下边这一情景大家再了解不过了, 你领导让你作工作评估, 她告知了你37点你做得非常棒的地区, 还有一点--蜕变的室内空间?(欢笑声) 然后你脑子里都惦记着那一点发展的的空间,并不是么。也就是我科学研究的一个层面, 由于当你跟大家讨论感情, 她们对你说是指一件让她们心痛的事。当你跟大家讨论信任感, 她们对你说是指最让她们悲痛的被排挤的历经。当你跟大家讨论关联,她们跟我讲的是如何被断绝来往的小故事。因此迅速的--在大概逐渐科学研究这一课题研究6周之后-- 我遇到了这一前所未闻的食物它揭示了关联以一种我不理解也从没有见过的方法。 所以我暂停了原来的研究目标,对自己说,我得搞清楚这究竟是什么。它最后被鉴定为耻辱感。耻辱感非常容易了解,即担心被断绝来往。

是否有一些关于我的事如果别人知道或看见了, 会觉得我不值得相处。我想告诉你们的是:这种情况很常见;我们都会有(这类念头)。

并没有体验过屈辱得人不具备我们的怜悯或关联。没有人想讨论自身的囧事,你讨论的越低,你越觉得十分可耻。滋长耻辱感是指一种“是我不够好."的心理状态--众所周知这是个什么味道: ”我不足哪些。我不足纤细,不足富有,不足好看,不够聪明,岗位不够高。“而支撑点这类心理状态是指一种刻骨铭心的敏感,重点在于要想造成关联,我们应该让自已被看到,切切实实的被看到。

你知道我如何看待敏感。我恨它。所以我思索着,这次是轮到我我用的尺标击败它情况下了。我想闯进去,把它搞清楚, 我想花一年的时间,完全分裂屈辱,我要搞清晰敏感是怎么运行的,然后我要私放晁盖胜于它。因此我准备好了,非常兴奋。 跟你预估的一样,不如人意。(欢笑声) 你了解这一(结论)。我可以对你说有关屈辱的很多东西, 但那般我就得占用别人的时间了。但我在这儿能够对你说,归根结底 --这或许就是我学习到的最重要的东西-在做分析的数十年中。我预估的一年变成了六年,成千上万的小故事,不计其数个访谈,聚焦点集中化。

有时候大家发给我刊物报导,发给我他们的故事 -- 数不胜数的数据信息,就在这里六年中。我大约掌握了它。

我大约理解了这就是屈辱,这就是它运作方式。我写了这书,我发行了一个基础理论,但总觉得哪里不对劲 -- 它其实就是,假如粗略地将我访谈过的人分为具备自我价值感得人 -- 归根结底便是自我价值感 -- 她们敢于去爱而且有着明显的信任感 -- 另一部分则是为之苦苦挣扎得人,总是怀疑自己是不是充足好的人。

区别这些勇于去爱并具有很强信任感得人和那种为之而苦苦挣扎得人的自变量只有一个。 那便是,这些勇于去爱并具有很强信任感得人坚信她们值得被爱,非常值得具有信任感。 就这么简单。 她们相信自己的使用价值。而对我,那一个阻拦人和人之间关联的最艰难的一部分就是我们针对自己不非常值得具有这类关联的害怕,不管从本人,或是岗位上我还感觉是我必需去更进一步地掌握它。因此下面我找到每一个访谈录找到这些反映个人价值的,这些拥有这些理念的纪录,集中化科学研究他们。

这些人有哪些相同之处? 我对办公设备有点儿沉迷,但这也是另一个话题讨论了。我有一个牛皮纸袋文件夹名称,还有一个三福很好笔,我想着,我该怎么给此项科学研究取名呢?第一个蹦入我头脑是指一心一意这个词。这也是一群一心一意,依靠一种剧烈的自我价值感在日常生活的大家。因此我还在牛皮纸袋夹的上方那样写到,然后我逐渐查看数据。

实际上,我逐渐要用四天时长集中化分析数据, 我从头开始找到这些访谈,找到这其中的小故事和事件。主题是什么?有什么规律? 我老公带孩子离开镇上,由于我总是深陷像迈克尔杰克逊.波洛克(国外近现代抽象派美术家)一样玩命情况,我一直在写,彻底沉浸于在科学研究的情况中。下边是我的发现。这些人的共同点取决于胆量。

我觉得在这儿先花一分钟跟大伙儿区别一下胆量和勇气。胆量,最初的界定,当它刚发生在英语中的情况下 -- 是以拉丁语cor,意指心,演化来的 -- 最初的界定是真心实意地描述一个故事,告诉大家你是谁的。因此这种人就具备胆量承认自己有缺憾。她们具备怜悯之心,起先对自己的,再是对其他人的, 由于,事实是,大家如果不能好好爱自己,人们也没法真诚待人。 最后一点,她们都能和别人建立关系,-- 这也是难以实现的-- 前提条件是他们务必以诚相待,她们想要放开自己设置的那种理想化的自身 以获得真正意义上的自身,这也是获得关联的必备条件。

她们也有另外一个相同之处那便是,她们完全接纳敏感。她们坚信让她们越来越薄弱的物品也让她们越来越漂亮。她们不觉得敏感是寻找舒服,都不觉得敏感是钻心的疼痛 -- 就像我以前在有关屈辱的访谈中听见的。她们仅仅简单地觉得敏感是必须的。她们商谈到想要讲出"我喜欢你",愿意做些并没有的事儿,想要等候医生的电话,在做完胸部X光查验以后。许多人乐意为感情项目投资,不管是否有结论。她们感觉这都是最压根的。

我那时觉得那就是叛变。我无法相信我竟然对科学研究宣誓誓词尽忠 -- 科学研究的界定是操纵。随后预测分析,去科学研究状况,为了能一个既定目标,去把控并预测分析。而我现在的重任即操纵并预测分析却得出了那样一个结论:要想与敏感并存就得终止操纵,终止预测分析于是我崩溃了 -- 我觉得更好像那样。它确实是。我称它为奔溃,我的心理医生称它为核心的提升。

生命的提升自然比精神错乱要超好听许多, 但我跟你说那确实是精神错乱。然后我迫不得已姑且把数据信息放一边,去寻求帮助心理专家。让我告诉你:你知道你到底是谁当你打电话跟你朋友说:“我觉得我必须跟人谈一谈。你有什么好的建议吗?“ 由于我大概有五个好朋友那么回应: ”喔。我可不想当你的心理医生。”我讲:“是啥意思?“ 她们说:”我只是想说, 别带上你的尺标来见我。“ 我讲:”行。“

就是这样我找到了一个心理专家。我和她,戴安娜王妃,的第一次见面 -- 我带来到一份表格 上边全是这些全身心投入日常生活的人的生活方式,然后我坐着了。她讲:”你还好吗?“ 我讲:”我非常好。还不错。“ 她讲:”发生了什么事?“ 这是一个医治心理专家的心理医生, 大家不得不去看这种心理专家, 由于它的空话检测仪很准(了解你什么时候在说真心话)。因此我讲:“事儿是这样的。我很纠结。” 她讲:“你担心哪些?” 我讲:”嗯,我跟敏感走不过去。

并且我明白敏感是屈辱和害怕的根本原因就是我们为个人价值而纠结的根本原因,但它与此同时也是快乐,创造力,信任感,爱的原动力。 因此我觉得我有什么问题,我需要帮助。“ 我填补道:”可是, 这跟家中不相干,跟儿时不相干。“ “我只必须一些对策。” 感谢。 戴安娜王妃的反映是这样的。 我接着说:“这很糟糕,对么?” 她讲:“这算不上好,也不是很坏。” “它本来就是那样。” 我讲:“哦,我的天哪,要悲剧了。”

果真出现了,但又并没有产生。大约有一年的时间。你知道的,有一些人当她们发觉敏感和温婉至关重要的情况下,她们放下所有防备,毫不在意。(我想申明)一,不是我, 二,我朋友里边都没有这样的人。对我来说,那就是将近一年的抗争。是场猛烈的大战。敏感打我一拳,我又反击它一拳。 最终输掉,但我也许赢得了我的人生。

然后我再一次资金投入到了我的探讨中,又花了两年时长真真正正尝试去了解这些全身心投入日常生活得人, 她们进行了如何的决定, 她们是怎么看待敏感的。为什么我们为此痛苦挣扎? 我就是独自一人在跟敏感抗争吗? 并不是。

这是我学习到的:大家麻木敏感 -- (比如)在我们等候(医师)手机的那时候。 搞笑是指,我还在Twitter微博和Facebook上发布了一条情况, “你如何界定敏感? 什么会使你觉得敏感?“ 在1个半小时内,我收到了150条回应。 由于想要知道大家都是怎么想的。迫不得已要求老公帮助, 由于我病了,并且大家刚结婚; 跟老公明确提出要性生活; 跟老婆明确提出要性生活;被回绝;约别人出去; 等候医师的回应; 被裁人;裁去他人-- 这就是我们日常生活的世界。大家身处一个敏感的世界里。 让我们解决的办法之一 是麻木敏感。

我认为这不是没有根据 -- 也并不是根据存在的唯一借口,我觉得大家当今难题的一大部分都能够归因于它 -- 在美国史上,我们都是欠帐较多,肥胖症,烟瘾、服药更为比较严重的一代。问题是 -- 我在科学研究中了解到 -- 你没法可选择性地麻木情感。你不能说,这些是不太好的。 这也是敏感,这也是可悲,这也是屈辱,这也是害怕,这也是心寒,我不想要这种感情。我想去喝几罐啤洒,吃个香蕉苹果干果奶酪蛋糕。我不想要这种感情。

我明白观众席传出是指意会的欢笑声。别忘记,我就是靠“侵入”你们的日常生活过日子的。天呐。 你没法只麻木这些痛苦的感情则不麻木每一个感观,每一个感情。你没法有目的性地去麻木。在我们麻木这些, 大家也麻痹了快乐,麻痹了心怀感恩,麻痹了幸福快乐。 然后我们会越来越痛苦不堪,大家进而找寻人生的意义,然后我们觉得敏感,然后我们喝几罐啤洒,吃个香蕉苹果干果奶酪蛋糕。风险的循环系统就是这样这形成了。

我们应该思索的一件事就是我们是为什么,如何麻痹自己的。这并不一定是指吸食毒品。 大家麻痹自己的另一个方法是把不确定的事越来越明确。宗教信仰早已从一种信仰、一种对不得知的坚信变成了明确。我就是对的,你也是错的。闭上嘴。就这样。只需是明确的也是好的。大家越发担心,大家就会越敏感,然后我们越来越更加担心。

这一件便是现如今政冶的现况。讨论早已荡然无存。会话早已化为乌有。有些只是斥责。你了解研究领域是如何描述斥责的吗?一种宣泄痛楚与不悦的方法。大家注重细节。如果有人想那样营造他们的日常生活,那人便是我,但这难以实现。只要我们做的仅仅把屁股上的肉肉移到他们的脸部。这真是,希望一百年以后,当大家转过头来会不由的感慨:“哇!”

大家要想,这也是最危险的,我的孩子越来越极致。让我告诉你我们都是怎样看待小孩的。从她们出世的这刻起,这些人就已经注定要挣脱。当你将这种极致的小宝宝抱在怀里的情况下,他们的每日任务不是说:”看一下她,她极致的无可取代。“反而是保证她维持极致 -- 确保她五年级的情况下可以进网球队,七年级的情况下稳进耶鲁大学。那不是他们的每日任务。 我们的目标是注视着她,跟她说, “你清楚吗?你并有缺憾,你终究要拼搏,但你值得被爱,非常值得具有信任感。”

这才是他们的岗位职责。让我看用这些方法培养出来的一代小孩,我保证我们今天有些情况会得到解决。大家装作他们的个人行为不容易影响他人。不但在大家本人生活中我们这么做,在工作上也一样 -- 不论是紧急救援,石油泄漏,或是产品追溯 -- 大家装作大家做的事对别人不容易导致什么大危害。我觉得对这种企业说:嘿,这不是人们第一次牛仔裤比赛。大家如果你以诚相待地,真心实意地说一句:"真的对不起,人们会解决这种情况。“

但也有一种方式,我将它交给大家。这是我的体会心得:卸掉他们的面罩,使我们被看到, 深层次的被看到, 即便是敏感的一面; 一心一意地去爱, 虽然没有贷款担保 -- 这是最艰难的, 我也可以对你说,作为一名父母,这一十分非常困难 --带上一颗感恩的心,保持快乐哪怕是在最害怕的过程中就算大家猜疑:”我能不能爱到那么深? 我能不能这般热情地坚信这一份情感? 我能不能这般始终如一?“ 在消沉的情况下能打住,而非一味地想象事儿会怎样越来越更糟糕,对自己说:”我早已很感激了,由于能体验到这类敏感,这代表着我还活着。“

最终,也有最重要的一点, 那便是相信我们早已做得够好了。由于我坚信在我们在一个令人感觉“我早已足够了”的环境中闯荡的情况下 大家会停止抱怨,逐渐聆听,大家会对周围的人会更友好,更柔和,对自己也会更友好,更柔和。

这便是我演说的所有内容。谢谢你们。

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